Transitions & Distractions

So I am learning different things about myself. In this season of my life I am undergoing certain transitions as God leads me into another dimension of life. Recently, I have learned to let go of things from my past which hindered me from moving forward. I will admit that recently I have not been myself or in the right mindset. I simply allowed myself to do whatever was pleasing to me at the time no matter the outcome, I was only focused on what was presently in front of me. As I grow older and wiser I am learning how much time and resources I have wasted by simply being lazy and not proactive.

A couple of weeks ago Bishop challenged us (the congregation) to make a list of things that matter and things that don't. There have been things that should have been thrown out years ago, yet I held on to them because I felt as if one day I would need them; however, that day never came. For example, I recently cleaned my garage and ended up throwing a lot of junk away that was not used since my mom was in the house. As I purged my garage I found some things which will not be discussed because I might get sick to my stomach again just thinking about it. But I realized that I have so much room and space to use if I simple throw away the trash I don't need and/or use. My garage is so clean now and every time I pull into my garage there is a sense of pride that comes along in which I can say "man it feels great to come home to a clean garage".

Well my spiritual life is a direct parallel to my home. I have noticed that when my house is a mess and cluttered it usually is a natural sign of where my spiritual life is at. Since returning back to work I have washed clothes and lived out of a basket because I don't have time to fold them and put them up, but I need them. My kitchen floor has not been bleached down like it usually is and there is sticky stuff from the man child making a mess, but I have not had time to clean it because my weekends are usually occupied with sporting events. Anyone who knows me, should know that my bathrooms have to be spotless in every aspect. While they are clean they are not were I normally have them. Life has recently taken control of me instead of me taking control of it. Work alone takes majority of my time since I am now coaching volleyball and later on basketball. Man child goes back to school tomorrow (8/22) and I have no clue how I am going to be in two places at one time. There have been friends and family who have called to check on me because I have just been MIA. On top of all of this, graduate school resumes tomorrow as well and I need to swing by DBU to get books and check on some other things all while getting the man child to practice and getting myself back to volleyball practice! WHEW.

When I tell you life has been moving full speed I am not lying. I should have been given a ticket for speeding through life. The song that comes to mind is "Slow Down" by India Arie. This songs speaks to my life to the core right now. Allow me to share the words.

"Slow Down"


So far from where I started out.


So far from where I wanna be.


Listening for answers in the wind,


But can't find a rock to plant my feet.


Looking for love in all the wrong places.


Down on my knees and now I'm praying for patience.


I know there's gotta be a better way.


In the back of my mind I hear my momma say




Slow down baby


ya goin to fast.


You got your hands in the air


With your Feet on the gas.


You 'bout to wreck your future,


Run from your past.


You need to slow down before you go down baby.


Thinking the faster that I go


The faster that I will reach my goal


The race is not given to the swift


But to the one who endureth.


I thought that all of my obstacles were behind me.


Walking around like I'm made out of diamond.


I tripped and fell and it reminded me to move over and let the angels guide me.




Slow down baby


ya goin to fast.


You got your hands in the air


With your Feet on the gas.


You 'bout to wreck your future,


Run from your past.


You need to slow down before you go down baby.


Sometimes you gotta be still, before you can get ahead.


Be still, ask the universe for help be real.


You can't do it all by yourself... Ah, No...No...


See...every word of this song was written for me. I feel like I am moving so fast in life at this moment I am about to crash. I cannot tell if I am coming or going. In the course of all that is taking place in my life I feel like some things I need to get rid of and this includes financial restraints as well. So I have to take a step back and re-evaluate some people and other things in my life during this transition. It's just like when you get ready to move into a new home...things you lived with for years simply cannot go with you into the new home. This is where I am spiritually. Things I lived with for so many years cannot go with me into the next phase of life. People I had in my corner for so many years cannot go with me to the next level. Heck my next level has already begun and as you can see there are a few folks who are dearly departed.

I so am ready to be a wife to a great man, however I can understand God's postponement in allowing me to meet him. I don't have time at this moment and I am finally OK with admitting that. Maybe after May 2012 when I graduate with my Masters in Christian Education... and maybe after my first year of coaching is complete and I have the hang of it...and maybe once the man child get into the 7th grade where he will be at Life School with me then will I be able to focus on a relationship. Heck who knows what God has planned for me. But I will say that right now I understand the "Not Now Natalie" speech I was given. It would not be fair to my husband or me or the man child.

Now these distractions and carbon copies have to go. Any man who does not understand where I am at in life is not worth my time or attention. Any man who only wants to see me when he feels like it, is not worth my time or attention. Lately I have had the uncomfortable feeling that my time was being wasted and that is something I simply hate. So now matter how sweet and innocent a man may come off to be I thank God for discernment to show me what that man is really all about. I have thrown out trash before and I have no problem throwing it out again! Make sure if you are reading this you take a close self assessment of yourself before you respond! :)

Be blessed family and make sure your affairs are in order. 2012 is my year to walk into all that God has prepared for me this year. I do not have time to waste and house cleaning is well underway.