You Can Make It

Somewhere along the way, I have lost myself and who I thought I wanted to be.  

Somewhere along the way, a door was shut in my face and I never bounced back from the rejection I felt and the pain that digested in my soul which generated a sickening feeling of defeat. 

Somewhere along the way, I blamed God for allowing such things to happen and making me feel like my life was now stagnate and I that maybe I will just stop trying until I heard back from him that it was OK to proceed. 

Somewhere along the way, depression and stress moved into my peaceful place and began to cause chaos in my life, sending me spiraling down into a deep dark place. 

Somewhere along the way, I became a walking breathing dead thing internally. I simply went through the motions of my daily routine and never really adjusted to the world around me. 

Somewhere along the way, I lost all hope and faith in my purpose and why I was even placed on this Earth in the first place. 

Rejection can be a killer of dreams, goals and perseverance. I did not understand the purpose of rejection even in my youth. I believed that based on how I entered the world and the circumstances I had to endure, I've served my time of set backs and failures. But...apparently life really doesn't care about your "woe is me" tunes. 

Life said to me before I was born that I was going to enter this world as a product of a messy situation. Life said to me that I was going to grow up in a place that would not yield to me the honor of living with my father or even being able to be held in his arms on my day of arrival. Life said to me that I would be the outcast, the baby Moses or the Joseph or the David of my family, rejected by society and hidden for a purpose. 

I never was a stand out child. I was shy when I was younger. I did not speak much and I really did not trust many people. As an adult, that concept of me is hard to believe now. As an adult I have found my voice and my identity.  I heard one distinct voice speak directly to my spirit 14 years ago. A voice that said For I know the plans I have for you...plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. A voice that made a sharpened knife go dull. A voice that closed up my throat so the pills would not go down. A voice that entered my bedroom when I knew I was home alone. A voice that said Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.

See when family and friends and ex-lovers rejected me, I thought there was no point to life. I thought there was no purpose for me to be in this world if I had to be here all alone. The moment I was at my absolute lowest point, is when Christ entered my life and told me as clear as day that he paid the ultimate sacrifice of death so that I no longer had to. He reminded me that For God so loved the world (ME) that he gave his one and only Son (Christ) that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. At that moment he made me understand that my life had an eternal purpose and I had no business trying to end it prematurely because Christ has suffered for me and took on my burdens and all of my pains. 

For someone reading this...you are at the same place I was at, 14 years ago. The Holy Spirit within me had me share my testimony with you, to let you know that you are not alone. No matter how bad life looks right now...know that God has a plan for your life. Know that he will never leave you nor forsake you. Know that God loves you so much, he already had someone die in your place and that in him you too can have a hope and a future. 

I encourage you to just give God all of your cares, all of your issues and all of your rejection. I pray that you understand this is not the end of the road for you. Trust me I know what it feels like to be alone physically, mentally and emotionally...but there is a power stronger than your situation that will help you out of this mess. If God can pull me out of depression and a state of darkness then he can do the same for you. 

Please don't give up. If you do...then who will learn about all of your greatness you have yet to share with the world? How will your ideas and purpose help someone else who shares your same pain? You are a blessing and your life is important to me and so many others. You just don't know it yet.

Don't give up! 

Many blessings.

- Miss Natalie 

I'm Back...

For years I have put off my writing because I felt it just wasn't good enough. I thought no one would ever read my thoughts or what's in my heart so I just gave up...well actually I just didn't give much attention to the gift that was given to me so long ago.

Why do we fear the unexpected? Is it because we can't control what is on the other side of the unknown? Is it because we simply don't believe in ourselves enough to push through the doubts and adversity? Or is it because deep down we know that stepping out on faith in order to walk into our destiny is by far the hardest and scariest thing we have ever had to do? For me, it's been all of the above.

See, I knew a long time ago that I had a unique gift with words and expression. I knew that my words had power at a very young age, even when the enemy tried to shut my voice down and even tried to evoke fear into my spirit by making me think that no one would ever listen or believe me. As I grew up I still had an issue with being verbally understood and it seemed that I was more comfortable sharing my heart on pen and paper and it was more receptive then my verbal attempts to communicate with people. So...I began to write. I wrote letters to my friends, my parents and my grandparents on the things I had seen, felt, endured, etc. and how those individuals in my life at the time drastically contributed to those feelings. I wrote in multiple journals to God about the various things I encountered and how to deal with those things His way and not my own. I began writing on social media platforms as a way to share my thoughts and the wisdom that was exploding out of me. I did all of these things and the more comfortable I became the more hell broke loose around me and I stopped. Point blank!

There are no excuses for pushing what I absolutely love to do to the side and leaving the gift I was given on a shelf to rot. I may never be able to reach millions of people with my verbal communication, but I can with my written communication. I was recently reminded on a conference call that it is selfish of me not to share what's inside of me because I have no clue the people who need to read what I have to say. Talk about a slap back into reality. The speaker was correct and for the first time in a long time I was reminded about why I was put on this earth and my contribution to the world. I was reminded that by harboring my thoughts and my gift I was doing a disservice to the One who blessed me with such a tremendous gift and that thought along was unbearable. This was a very tough pill to swallow, but I had to own my mess and clean it up.

It has been over a year since I have written on this blog but I promise you it will not be the last. I can no longer make excuses for myself or procrastinate any further about the things I must share with millions around the world. Thank you to those who believed in me and to those who doubted me. Thank you to those who have prayed with me and to those who have spoken life back into a dead situation. Thank you for your love and support.

Miss Natalie is back!