Day By Day

I have accepted the fact that there are still parts of me that are really out of sink. I now understand that I have to take things DAY BY DAY. I can no longer let myself down by failed attempts or fearful regrets. I have to WOMAN UP and just do the dang on thing!" So I no longer set unrealistic goals for myself nor do I give myself a deadline to restrict me from becoming all that I want and all that God needs me to be.

I have decided to put men on the backside of the TO DO LIST! For some reason my focus and attention have been geared to finding that special someone who can make me happy. But at the end of the day I realized I don't need a man to do that...I have ME! So guys...sorry but I am not interested in jumping into a committed relationship with anyone right now. I recently had someone tell me he was not looking for a FRIEND he needed a WOMAN. How can you have one without the other is my question?! Praise God that the red flag went up when it did.

I believe in me and I know that now is NOT the time for me to put aside my dreams and goals and all the things that I have worked so hard to accomplish, only to entertain people. I know now that I have to do me and change me for the better. When my Boaz does come he will find me....working in the field trying to take care of me and my family.

I honestly believe that there is a divine purpose I am suppose to fulfill in order for my Golden Girls (my grandmothers) to see it manifest. I wrote them all letters about 5 months ago just expressing my feelings for them and speaking into their lives as my elders. I believe that wisdom is something the Holy Spirit gives you and he has surely blessed those women who have all grown to live and see 70+ years of life... 4 generations deep! What a blessing!

So I am working and grinding. I have not really been serious about my life and purpose since I was in college. Then I had ambition and drive there was a light at the end of the tunnel and I could see it so clearly. I want that energy back. I want that passion back in my sprirt to work hard and make things happen in my life like never before. I believe in God for that much. I know that all I have to do is get behind him and allow him to lead me and not the other way around. So I am taking things....DAY BY DAY...one step at a time!

Crossroads

So...I recently found myself infatuated with a new guy. I was torn about this because I had high hopes that me and my ex would be able to rekindle our old flames. I now realize that we only have "Soul Ties" and that our souls are not knitted together. I now realize that I loved him because of what we used to have. I loved him for what he use to be and how he use to treat me. I could not think of any current situation on why I needed to be with him. It was all a want. So now I have the opportunity of starting fresh with someone new. Someone who can see me in his future...someone who is willing to make time for me...someone who does not have any expectations and is wanting to take things one day at a time. I had expectations and every time I let myself down because of them. I am intrigued by this new guy because he no longer has expectations. He never wants to jinx himself. He has taught me to just live life and live in the moment that makes me happy. He told me to follow my heart and not my mind. I tend to over think things and I try to analyse every single detail of my life. Sometimes I talk myself out of doing something that can be really beneficial for me out of fear of being hurt or let down. I know I can not control the future or the lives of people around me. I see that I can only love me and do what's best for me at the end of the day. We have a lot of things in common and I am ready to let go of my fears and just take a chance...but this first step is harder than I ever thought it would be.