GOODBYE 2008

So for the last day of 2008, I have decided to leave certain things and certain people in 2008. I realized that whatever did not work out for me in 2008 should not be taken into 2009. There is no need of taking baggage that I really don't have to take at all.

The first thing I am not taking with me in 2009 is my bad spending habit. I have wasted so much money in 2008 on food, going out and just things I really do not need. I also have been careless and irresponsible with my credit cards. So those bad boys are getting put up and paid off. My goal is to have them paid off by the end of the 1st quarter for 2009. The food spending and eating out has created another problem for me...my weight and health.

Over the past 5 years I have gained almost 40 pounds. And it was not until the Christmas holiday that I looked myself in the mirror and was totally disgusted with myself. Another thing I am leaving in 2008 is my poor eating habits. I now see what eating fast foods, fried foods, greasy foods, junk foods, etc has done to me. I am not happy with the way I look. I think what pissed me off more was every time I said I needed to lose the weight there were certain people in my life saying I shouldn't because I looked good the way I was. ARE YOU SERIOUS! That let me know I needed to get rid of certain people also. With LOTS of prayer and discipline for myself I know that I can drop these extra 40 pounds that I have tacked on over the past 5 years. I know that if I stay committed to eating healthy and working out DAILY...then I can loose this weight. I know that I can only do things one day at a time and not create unreasonable goals, because I am bad at starting things and not finishing them. So starting tomorrow...on my day off...I am busting a sweat and watching what I eat. I have to do this for me!

I am also leaving my laziness and procrastination behind. There was so much I could have gotten done in 2008. I mean I did get a lot done, but I could have done way more. I have put certain things off for so long and it's time I just woman up and get them done. Like I stated before I am horrible about starting things and not finishing them or even not fully committing to them. So that all stays in 2008. I have no one to push me except for myself. I have let myself down for way too long and it's time I start making up for it.

I am also leaving behind certain people. I am leaving behind my ex. This year was a hard year as far as that relationship goes. We lived together, did everything together...then we broke up. I tried to make it work and even did things I know I had no business doing, because I felt that would make him come back. At then end of the day God had to let me know that I was not to be TIED to him any longer. I had even psyched myself into believing we would be together forever and things would get better. Well I have had enough. I have had enough of him playing with my emotions and coming and going as he pleases. So He stays in 2008 and is not allowed in 2009. I am OK with the fact if I never see him again or even talk to him again. I need that peace of mind for me. I need to get Natalie back in order so that when the time comes for me to meet a man that is for me....I won't have that EXTRA baggage lingering around...always popping up and finding away to be around me. NO MORE!

I am also leaving behind all the emotional scars and baggage I have carried with me all of my life. A lot of doors have been closed within the past couple of months and I am grateful God sent me the answers I needed. I feel like my relationship with my mother and sister are great and will only get better. I know that me and my father will get closer and that wall I had up for so long is now torn down. I am not afraid to let him in or allow him to really love me. I know that all those demons I carried are not gone. I am no longer justified by what happened to me as a child and in my past. I know things happen for a reason and now my testimony is even stronger and will help a lot of other people in the near future.

I AM FREE. For the first time in my life I have nothing to hide or be ashamed of. I am no longer defined by my past and no one can hold it over my head. I am blessed and this feeling of joy I have in my spirit right now as I type this message is a feeling of victory. I made it. I made it through all the hell, all the drama, all the fighting, all the bickering, all the tears, all the embarrassment, all the frustrations, all the backsliding, all the demons, all the wickedness, all the foolishness, all the pain, all the disappointments, all the tiredness, all the everything. It was a hard year, but I made it. I am stronger and I am wiser.... I am better....much better!

Praise be to God my Father, the Holy Spirit for directing me ...and the Blood of Jesus for saving me. I thank God for opening up my eyes but more so my spirit. I thank Him because He loved me enough to allow me to go through it, but also to not leave me stranded and on my own. He loved me enough to allow me to be temped and test me, but he watched very closely. He loved me enough not to turn his back on me even when I did things that were not pleasing to him. NOW....THAT'S LOVE. When others let me down...He was always there. When I was mad at Him and felt let down because I didn't get things when I wanted them...He loved me enough to tell me NO...it was not my time yet. When He didn't say a word to me at times and just let me walk by myself...to think for myself and to remind me that He gave me wisdom and discernment to make the right choices I needed to make for me. At the end of the day...all praise and honor go back to my DADDY GOD! Because my DADDY GOD has never let me down nor has He ever left me alone. And it is all now so clear, on this last day of 2008....all the things He was teaching me to make me a better child for his kingdom. To make Natalie a better woman here on this earth so that my works can be done. I am only an agent from heaven sent to do the King's Business! And when my work is done...I pray that I hear WELL DONE THY GOOD AND FAITHFUL SERVANT!