Somewhere along the way, a door was shut in my face and I never bounced back from the rejection I felt and the pain that digested in my soul which generated a sickening feeling of defeat.
Somewhere along the way, I blamed God for allowing such things to happen and making me feel like my life was now stagnate and I that maybe I will just stop trying until I heard back from him that it was OK to proceed.
Somewhere along the way, depression and stress moved into my peaceful place and began to cause chaos in my life, sending me spiraling down into a deep dark place.
Somewhere along the way, I became a walking breathing dead thing internally. I simply went through the motions of my daily routine and never really adjusted to the world around me.
Somewhere along the way, I lost all hope and faith in my purpose and why I was even placed on this Earth in the first place.
Rejection can be a killer of dreams, goals and perseverance. I did not understand the purpose of rejection even in my youth. I believed that based on how I entered the world and the circumstances I had to endure, I've served my time of set backs and failures. But...apparently life really doesn't care about your "woe is me" tunes.
Life said to me before I was born that I was going to enter this world as a product of a messy situation. Life said to me that I was going to grow up in a place that would not yield to me the honor of living with my father or even being able to be held in his arms on my day of arrival. Life said to me that I would be the outcast, the baby Moses or the Joseph or the David of my family, rejected by society and hidden for a purpose.
I never was a stand out child. I was shy when I was younger. I did not speak much and I really did not trust many people. As an adult, that concept of me is hard to believe now. As an adult I have found my voice and my identity. I heard one distinct voice speak directly to my spirit 14 years ago. A voice that said For I know the plans I have for you...plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. A voice that made a sharpened knife go dull. A voice that closed up my throat so the pills would not go down. A voice that entered my bedroom when I knew I was home alone. A voice that said Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.
See when family and friends and ex-lovers rejected me, I thought there was no point to life. I thought there was no purpose for me to be in this world if I had to be here all alone. The moment I was at my absolute lowest point, is when Christ entered my life and told me as clear as day that he paid the ultimate sacrifice of death so that I no longer had to. He reminded me that For God so loved the world (ME) that he gave his one and only Son (Christ) that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. At that moment he made me understand that my life had an eternal purpose and I had no business trying to end it prematurely because Christ has suffered for me and took on my burdens and all of my pains.
For someone reading this...you are at the same place I was at, 14 years ago. The Holy Spirit within me had me share my testimony with you, to let you know that you are not alone. No matter how bad life looks right now...know that God has a plan for your life. Know that he will never leave you nor forsake you. Know that God loves you so much, he already had someone die in your place and that in him you too can have a hope and a future.
I encourage you to just give God all of your cares, all of your issues and all of your rejection. I pray that you understand this is not the end of the road for you. Trust me I know what it feels like to be alone physically, mentally and emotionally...but there is a power stronger than your situation that will help you out of this mess. If God can pull me out of depression and a state of darkness then he can do the same for you.
Please don't give up. If you do...then who will learn about all of your greatness you have yet to share with the world? How will your ideas and purpose help someone else who shares your same pain? You are a blessing and your life is important to me and so many others. You just don't know it yet.
Don't give up!
Many blessings.
- Miss Natalie
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